Chitra....

Part I

I am sitting in the balcony holding the mug of coffee in my hand. The morning is cold. The sun is trying to rise in the foggy sky giving it a shade of pink. I feel the warmth of the coffee mug in my hand and look at Chitra sitting on the cane chair besides me. Her face is blank but serene as always. I always find it hard to decipher her expressions because they are like codes. Her expressions are so subtle that you just can’t find out what she is thinking. I get an urge inside me, an urge to paint. I wanted to paint her with all her mystique and so I get up to fetch the canvass.

I am not a painter. I am just a boring programmer working in a software firm who paints to spend boring Sundays like today. I drag the canvass to the balcony and arrange my paint brushes. Chitra looks at me and smiles.

‘Do you want to paint me Jay?’

‘Yes,’ I said.

I start painting strokes on the canvass and strands of memories start appearing on the canvass of my mind. It has been 6 months since I am with Chitra. I would have become mad without Tanya Tanya was the girl who was my world before Chitra came in my life. I really can’t blame Tanya for leaving me because everybody wants the best life. She got a better man and left me to rot in the pit of loneliness. I had almost lost my mind when I met Chitra in a coffee shop. Past six months have been days of utmost bliss for me in the companionship of Chitra. My life is perfect, as perfect as never before with her.

I look at her eyes, my brush working to give the eyes on the canvass the exact shade. I love her eyes, the contrast between her large shining black eyes and her coppery complexion. Her hairs are long and black like the darkest of nights and her lips brown like chocolate. Her brown saree draped in a very elegant manner and face radiating the intellect she has. She has many similarities to my mother and that only makes me love her more. I am feeling a sense of inadequacy trying to paint her image on canvass but then I ignore it and keep painting. I wanted to give it my best shot.

‘See this,’ I called Chitra after giving the final stroke on the canvass.

‘Wow! She really looks like me’, She smiled looking at me, ‘Just a little better’.

I wanted to tell her that nothing can be better than her.

I have not told anybody about Chitra.  After Tanya I did not want to discuss my personal life with anybody. But now I want to let everybody know about her.

The first person I would be telling about her will be Ashwin. He is a doctor and my childhood buddy. He is the one who prescribes me anti-depressants for bad times. I really want him to meet Chitra. I would really like to know how the doctor and the social worker, two most important people of my life would get along.

Part II

Ashwin was in the clinic when Jay called his phone. On hearing that Jay wanted him to come over at his place he was little disturbed. He was my best friend since childhood. Locking the door of his chamber he was thinking about recent happenings in Jay’s life, suddenly someone pats on my shoulder.

‘Hey’, He found Jay standing behind him.

‘Hi, Is everything okay Jay?’

‘That is the problem with all you bloody doctors, always expecting something bad to happen to others’.

‘Not everybody, just you’, He replied Jay punching in his abdomen.

Jay laughed heartily and hugged him. ‘You know I found someone.’

‘Really? That’s great! Who is she?’

‘Her name is Chitra and today I have come to take you to meet her’.

They both walked out of the clinic and sitting in the car Ashwin asked Jay-

‘How long?’

‘Six months.’, Jay spoke starting the car.

‘Bastard, why didn’t you tell me?’

‘You are the first person I am telling.’

Jay took out two cigarettes from the dashboard and lit them with his lighter. He gave one cigarette to Ashwin and accelerated the car.

‘You know I don’t smoke much. My patients shouldn’t see me smoking.’

‘Yes, I know that and the guy who was caught smoking by the principal in school toilet is telling this. Wow!’

Ashwin could not counter this. He relaxed on the seat and both friends took a deep puff of smoke simultaneously.

After a drive of about half an hour they reached Jay’s apartment.

‘So you sit and I will call her’, Jay told Ashwin pointing to the sofa.

Aswin settled himself on the sofa.

“lookie lookie here she is”, Jay came back.

Ashwin looked and was shocked. He couldn’t believe it. He somehow brought back his expression to normal and managed to give a weak smile.

They had a bit of chat over coffee and then Jay dropped Ashwin back to his clinic.

Ashwin opened the door of his car to go back home and he was still thinking about last one hour. He did not see any girl named Chitra with Jay. Jay was simply talking to air.

Part III

I drove back home from the clinic still thinking about the visit to Jay’s apartment. My childhood buddy has gone through a lot in his life. Since past one year I have been treating him. He was totally dependent on Tanya and when she left he couldn’t bear it and went into severe depression.

I reached home and directly went to the drawer where I keep the files of my patients. I searched for the name Mrityunjay Mehta. I spotted the blue file of Jay and brought it to my study table.

I lit my cigarette and started reading the file again correlating with the life events of Jay I knew of. Within the smoke of cigarette the things started getting clear in my mind. Each incident flashed in my mind with a new significance to it.

Jay’s mother was renowned social worker who was shot in a rally when Jay was 13. His father married again and Jay was never able to connect to his new mother and family again. He completed school and then his B. Tech. degree in computer science to get a highly paid job in a reputed firm and that is where he met Tanya. Jay and Tanya were together for almost three years when Tanya decided for a better future and left him. Now six months ago Jay met Chitra and is extremely happy, happier than he ever was.

I crush the cigarette in the ash tray and light another one. There are similarities between Chitra and his mother. Chitra too is a social worker with lot of similar characteristics which he told me during the talk at his apartment. The physical features of Chitra are just like Tanya.

Chitra is not real. It’s just a play Jay’s mind to save self. It’s a delusion. I can give it a medical term called schizophrenia but it does not matter. I need to save my friend but till then I want him to be happy in his blissful world.

 

  

स्वयम संतुलन.....

वृहद् से भी वृहद्, चरम से भी चरम,

जीवन की पराकाष्ठाओं से क्रीडा करता मैं,

सत्य से विरक्त हो कर भी सत्य के अधीन,

सम्मान से विरक्त हो कर भी सम्मान के अधीन,

हस्तरेखाओं का विन्यास, घटनाओ का अट्टहास,

प्रचंड परिस्थितियों का संसर्ग,

नेत्रों के पटल में विध्वंस का चित्र,

जघन्य से भी जघन्यता का दृष्टा,

आरम्भ से अंत तक स्वयं को ढूंढ़ता,

विभिन्न रूपों का एक योग मैं,

आकाश के मस्तक पर, धरती के वक्षस्थल पर,

प्रेम के अधीन परन्तु वैराग्य से सम्पूर्ण,

कर्म में लीन, पाप पुण्य से विहीन,

जीवन के पराकाष्ठाओं से क्रीडा करता मैं. 

The Pink Lemonade..

In the heat of the world your love is lemonade,
Sweet and sour but refreshing as ever,
Drained with the struggle I need it forever,

In the bright heat you're my pink shade,
Your love is what i call the pink lemonade,

Pink is the colour of your love,
A shade of pink I had never seen,
My eyes see your love, so does my heart,
The colour of pink in your eyes so green,

Shining like a pink star in your eyes like jade,
Your love is what I call the pink lemonade.

Sometime you are sugar sweet,
Sometime sour like lime,
Like the touch of ice in burning hot,
And like the feel of breeze so sublime,

Please give me more I want this trade,
Your love is what I call the pink lemonade. 

Aazaad Parindey...

Rokoge kaise falak tak pahunchne se mujhe, 
Katroge mere par ya baandhoge tum mere paer, 
Pinjare ki salakhein rokengi na mujhe, 
Jaunga main un aasmano mein,
Jahan bharte hain parwaaz, 
Mere jaise hi kuch aazaad parindey. 


Neele aasmaan mein main bharunga udaan duur tumhari iiss qaid se, 
Tez hawaon ka karunga saamna ladunga apne har ek khauf se,
Baarishon mein bheegunga aur tapoonga jalti dhoop mein, 
Rok sako toh rok lo main chala uss or, 
Jahan bharte hain parwaaz, 
Mere jaise hi kuch aur aazaad parindey. 

The Real Valentine…..

‘Sasha, do you have money?’, Anushka asked Shashank.

‘How much’, Shashank asked her taking out his wallet.

‘Around 600 bucks’, Anushka said calculating in her mind.

‘Here! And can I ask for what?’, Shashank inquired.

‘I gotta buy Rajat a present for this valentine’, Anushka said snatching the money from his hands.

Shashank and Anushka had been neighbours and best of the friends since pre-school. Shashank blindly believed in Anushka in everything. Each word of Anushka was like a word from bible for him. He never raised any questions on Anushka’s choices except for the case of Rajat. He did not like Rajat. Not that Rajat was a bad guy or something but since he came in Anushka’s life Shashank had started feeling sidelined. But Anushka was trying hard to find someone for Shashank.

‘Sasha how is that one?’, Anushka would say pointing at a girl going on the road which would make Shashank frown. When Rajat came in Anushka’s life Shashank busied himself in other things like sports and painting. Anushka tried her best to manage time for Shashank. They had made a pact in class four that Anushka will do homework for both and Shashank will manage everything else. At that time he thought that he had fooled Anushka but now he had realized that girls have special power to foresee the future. With time the ‘everything else’ had increased multiple times the amount of homework.

‘Sasha can you drop me at the mall on 14^th please?’, Anushka asked him.

‘OK then 11’o clock’, She replied herself without waiting for an answer.

Sometimes Shashank wondered that what kind of a guy Rajat was. How could a guy not be bothered about a boy having so close friendship with his own girlfriend? But then he knew who Anushka was. She could convince a dog that it’s a lion and vice versa. He started planning what he would do on Valentine ’s Day. And then he realized that it would be same as any other day. He will sit with some of his other lonely friends and have smokes or two listening to some music or may be the best he would do was going for a movie.

On 14^th February Shashank dropped Anushka and came back. He was sitting and watching television when the cell phone rang.

“Hello Sasha, Come and take me home”, Anushka spoke in a very low voice.

“Why? I just dropped you there!”

“Are you coming or not?”, Suddenly there was anger in her voice.

“Ok ok”, Shashank got up picking up the bike key from the table.

When he reached the mall He saw Anushka running towards him with tears in her eyes.

‘Let’s go.’, She said to him as soon as she reached near the bike.

‘But what happened?’

‘Nothing, let’s go”.

“Unless you tell me we are not leaving”.

Anushka broke into sobs. “I will never see that bastards face again, he was lying to me all the way since start.”

“OK, But I mean what happened exactly?”,

“His real girlfriend came with Emotional Attyachar team”, Her sobs became even more violent.

“What? That TV show in which they catch cheating partners on camera?”.

Anushka did not reply.

“Hey don’t worry about that. My friend’s father is in the production team of that show. I will try to stop that show from being aired. Or otherwise I can get your face blurred in that episode at least so that nobody could recognize you.’

‘You dog! My problem is not that. He cheated on me”. Anushka cried.

‘Ok then let it be aired’.

Anushka knew that Shashank won’t let the show get aired anyhow. She did not speak further.

She silently sat on the bike.

‘By the way Emotional Attyachar was one of your favourite shows”, Shashank tried to lighten the mood only to get a heavy punch in his kidney from behind.

‘Shut up doggy”, Anushka cried.

Just then Shashank had to apply breaks. There was some Anti-valentine protest thing going on. He tried to turn the bike but the protestors already surrounded them.

‘Who is she?’, One of the protestors asked Shashank.

Shashank could feel Anushka’s finger clutching his waist tightly from behind. He knew that she was afraid.

‘Is she your sister?’, Another guy asked from the crowd.

Shashank did not know what to do.

‘Who is she?’, The same guy asked again.

‘Why would you care?’, Shashank tried to stop himself but words slipped from his mouth.

‘Ok so you are celebrating valentine’s day?’, the guy said with a sarcastic smile.

‘Now we will make your valentine’s day special’, the second guy spoke again.

‘Now speak that this girl is my sister loudly’, the first guy ordered Shashank taking out a rakhee from his pocket.

‘Today we will celebrate rakshabandhan’, the other guy spoke laughing.

‘I won’t’, Shashank said firmly.

SLAP! Shashank got a tight slap on his face from the first guy.

‘I said I won’t.’, Shashank spoke getting even more obstinate.

The first guy raised his hand again.

‘Stop or I’ll show you who I am!’, Shouted Anushka.

The hand of the first guy stopped in the air.

‘The Superintendent of police is my uncle, so slap him again and see what happens’, Anushka spoke showing a number in her phone’s contact list to the mob in front.

‘Oh! Then prime minister is my grandfather’, said the guy rolling his eyes.

Within no time Anushka dialed the call and handed it over to the first guy. He took the phone. The jaw of the 

first guy dropped within seconds he brought the phone closer to his ear.

‘Let them go’, He told the crowd, backing off.

On the way home Shashank inquired Anushka about the phone call.

‘What do you think, only you have contacts or what?’

He was looking on the road but he knew the exact expression Anushka had while speaking this sentence.

Later at home Anushka was sitting in Shashanks room tending his slapped blue-black cheek with a hot bag.

‘Bastard was like a bear’, she abused the guy who had slapped him.

‘You need coffee?’ She asked shashank.

‘Desperately’

She went to the kitchen to make coffee and came back with two mugs. Sitting in the room, sipping the coffee both of them watched the orange sun setting. Now the both of them were sure who their real valentine was.

The target and the sniper..

One eye closed and looking in the scope,
This thing for me is just like dope.

Addictive and exciting that is what it feels,
I will choose this over best of the deals.

I see the bulls-eye teasing me again,
One shot one kill is not a bad bargain.

I clutch the rifle and take a deep breath,
It's for me a matter of life and death.

Cardboard target and humans are not the same,
It's a tough job but I still call it a game.

Either you die or I die is the game called,
My mind is a computer and it's preinstalled.

I do it for nation and I do it for fun,
I am a sniper and I live by my gun.

The Longing...

I yearn for you each day each minute,
It feels like a burning all over my body and inside.

I thought it will die off with time,
But it is getting severe with each day passing.

It is getting severe and milder,
How can something severe be mild?

There was a time when I thought I would need nothing if I got you,
And I begged God for you each day.

But God kindest as he is,
Sometimes chooses not to be that kind.

I believe it happened for my own good,
And yet I don't know how not getting you can  be good to me.

The longing has gone so intense,
Now even getting you won't fulfill it anymore,

It seems like I long for something that doesn't even exists,
Something which is unattainable.

It all started with you,
But one thing I can promise that it will never end with you.